I emailed Tony last week, and he said he had a funeral to attend. I had no idea it was the sister of one of the wrestlers, and your daughter.

I recently saw the movie Wind River. In that movie, the main character lost his daughter as well. Here's a quote from that character in the movie that struck me, and that may or may not help. He's speaking to a friend who has also lost his daughter.

I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't. If there's a comfort, you get used to the pain if you let yourself. I went to a grief seminar in Casper. Don't know why, just, It hurt so much, I was searching for anything that could make it go away That's what I wanted this seminar to do, make it go away. The instructor come up to me after the seminar was over, sat beside me and said, "I got good news and bad news. Bad news is you'll never be the same. You'll never be whole. Ever. What was taken from you can't be replaced. Your daughter's gone. Now the good news: as soon as you accept that, as soon as you let yourself suffer, allow yourself to grieve, you'll be able to visit her in your mind, and remember all the joy she gave you. All the love she knew. That's what not accepting this will rob from you". If you shy from the pain of it, then you rob yourself of every memory of her, my friend. Every one. From her first step to her last smile. You'll kill 'em all. Take the pain. It's the only way to keep her with you.