This week kicked my butt. It was extremely hectic, but the kicker was when I got reprimanded by my supervisor at my "second" job. I've been delivering packages for Amazon for a little while as a way to earn some extra income, and this week I got scolded for failing to properly deliver a package. And, I am guilty as charged. However, I consciously made the decision to avoid the delivery, knowing that there would probably be repurcussions, in order to avoid a particular person. Given the choice, I would do it again.

There is a guy on my normal route that is a complete weirdo, and I have decided that it's not worth subjecting myself to his antics anymore. He typically orders at least one item per week, and he is extremely rude to me every time I deliver to him. On top of that, he appears to be a 40 year old that still lives with his mother, along with his wife and child. And I'm positive it's not a case of a family inviting an aging parent to live with them, because a neighbor that I delivered to told me the mother has lived in the house for 30+ years.

I've delivered to this guy regularly for a couple of years, and his behavior has gotten more and more bizarre over time. Recently he's been answering the door looking like a slob that hasn't showered in days, or frankly that hasn't left his mother's basement in a week. But the final straw for me was the most recent delivery I made to him last week. On that fateful day, when I rang the doorbell, he opened the door shirtless, disheveled, and wearing a Darth Vader mask. As I tried to politely ignore the awkwardness and take care of the transaction as quickly as possible, he promptly snatched the parcel out of my hands and began furiously opening it right then and there. As he removed the contents from the shipping box, he began laughing maniacally as he held up some sort of Star Wars Lego set.

At this point, I started to get really uncomfortable, so I nervously cleared my throat and tried to ask for a signature so I could get the heck out of Dodge before some Silence of the Lambs stuff went down. I was summarily told to shut up. At the same time, the creep's young son (who is surprisingly cute and normal for having descended from such a pathetic loser) ran up excitedly, wanting to see what all the excitement was about. Upon seeing the Lego set, he tried to remove it from his father's hands, at which point the deadbeat jerked the box away and screamed, "No! MINE!!!" The poor kid immediately began crying and ran off, lamenting between sobs that he never got to play with toys.

At this point, I decided that a signature was not more important than my life, so I started backing down the porch steps. Just before I turned to run to my car, the freak's poor wife (who, again, is surprisingly normal and attractive) came to the front door and began apologizing to me profusely. I stammered something along the lines of "it's OK ma'am" and continued my attempted getaway. The look she gave me before I turned around will haunt me forever...it was a mix between "I'm so embarrassed" and "Please save me!" It was gut-wrenching and depressing.

So, after that awful experience, I decided that I couldn't deal with that circus anymore. I hoped that maybe somehow the guy would just stop ordering from Amazon, but that was a pipe dream. He has serious issues. So this week, when I saw his (well, his mom's) address pop up on my delivery list, I got a huge pit in my stomach. I knew what I was going to have to do. In order to avoid interacting with the creep again, I decided I'd just enter the delivery as unable to complete, and I cited the reason as "business closed due to holiday". This is a completely obviously fake excuse, but I didn't care. I'll do it again and again as long as I have the same route. I avoided having my day ruined by some petulant manchild, and it was glorious. My only regret is that I also bailed on the delivery to his next door neighbor. He is a super nice guy....I think he's a teacher and orders a lot of books....but I was afraid if I went to his house, the freak next door would see me and come outside. So, I listed the neighbor's delivery as unable to be completed due to the lack of a secure place to leave the package. Again, it's a lame excuse, but I thought that maybe mixing it up might give me a slight chance to fly under the radar and not get reprimanded.

Well, let's just say that the insane guy must have raised quite a stink about not receiving his most recent precious Lego kit, because my supervisor called me in a couple of days ago and read me the riot act. I tried to explain the circumstances to him, but he wouldn't hear me out. So, I got a warning, and I was told if it happens again, I'll be terminated. I guess it's time to find a new side gig.

Oh well. The week's over now. And, it did end on somewhat of a high note. My better half just told me that she is working on pranking some guy that keeps hitting on her at work. Apparently this guy is always checking her out like he thinks she doesn't notice, and she's just about had enough of it. So, today she told me that before leaving work this afternoon, she pulled him aside and told him that there is something she really needs to talk to him about in private on Monday. She said the guy's eyes got as big as saucers. What he doesn't know is that she told her boss and co-workers that Monday is the guy's birthday and she wants to have a surprise party for him. So her plan is to get everyone to hide in the office, and then she's going to pretend to pull him aside so they can "talk", and when the guy starts being his usual gross self, she's going to flip the lights on and everybody will be standing there, having just heard his advances. I have to say....this is a Lounge-worthy plot. Consider me very proud.