I can relate. My dog died in 2013 and I still think about him. He was my buddy. I got him while I was still in college and he was there with me for so much. Lived with me in multiple states, multiple jobs. The scenery changed but he was the one constant. Since then I've come to think that everyone (who owns a dog) has THE dog. You might own more than one and love more than one but there will always be that one that was YOUR dog. Eddie was my dog.

I saw your post about feeling guilty. You shouldn't but I can understand why you do. I felt guilty when Eddie died. He was getting skinnier, having trouble breathing, and not eating much. We took him to the vet and they said he probably either had lung cancer (which there was nothing they could do about) or a fungal infection (which they could treat). The downside was the medication for the fungal infection could be hard on the rest of his body.

I made the decision to treat him for the fungal infection and I think the stress from the medication ended up being too much for him. He probably still would have died but I might have had more time with him. But there's no way to know that. I made the decision I did with the intention of doing something instead of doing nothing. And there's no way to know what would have happened. Maybe he would have lived a few days or weeks or months longer... but maybe he would have been in pain.

I am thankful though that I didn't have to make the decision to have him put to sleep. It was a Saturday morning and he had gotten so bad that we had said if he wasn't better by Monday we'd have to take him to the vet and have him put to sleep. Not even an hour later, he jumped off the bed, got a drink of water and just collapsed and that was it. It was over in seconds. I like to think he knew how hard it would have been for me to make the decision and so he made it for me. And he went surrounded by his family.

We have two dogs now and I love them dearly. They're sitting on me as I write this post. They're great dogs but they're not Eddie. And I'm worried that the older one we have now is my wife's dog the way Eddie was mine. I've been dreading something happening to him since we got him just because I can tell how much my wife loves him. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this and I don't know if it will help or hurt... but just know you're not alone.