I have a 1988 Ford Bronco that my best friend essentially gifted to me when he moved out of the country last summer. It is the definition of the term "beater" - the body is multiple colors of primer and peeling paint, with several holes in the body and a few hack-job rust repairs from decades ago. However, the motor runs strong (despite burning oil), and it is a really cool warm weather vehicle since the rear top is removable.

So, long story short, my wife said no way was it getting parked in our driveway (I already have two project vehicles that have been sitting for more years than I want to admit), so I parked it at my office back in the fall and it's sat ever since. It seemed to have some sort of electrical gremlin at the time, because my buddy kept getting dead batteries. I tried to help him troubleshoot it last summer by looking for a parasitic draw, but we could never find anything. I don't put much faith in that conclusion because my buddy knows nothing about vehicle repair, and electrical troubleshooting is not my forte. Regardless, when I parked it back in the fall, the battery was only a few months old and was fully charged. I made sure to disconnect the battery at that time.

Yesterday the rest of the family went out of town for the weekend, so I finally had some time to go mess with the Bronco and try to get to the bottom of the issue. No surprise, it wouldn't start after sitting for 6 months. The first attempt seemed promising because I very clearly heard the starter solenoid clicking, but the starter itself never did anything. However, the next few attempts didn't produce much of anything. I finally decided to try to bypass the ignition system by jumping the terminals on the starter solenoid with a screwdriver. The first attempt produced a small spark, but no love from the starter. After that, I got absolutely nothing.

So, off to Advance Auto Parts I went to get the battery tested. Surprisingly, the battery tested good, and was putting out ~575 of the 650 rated CCA. They said they'd throw it on the quick charger for me, but also said if I wanted to go take off the starter while I waited, they could bench test that for me. I decided that sounded like a good idea. So off I went to retrieve the starter. To my delight, that process was a breeze (80s American engineering FTW!) - two mounting bolts and one screw securing the starter lower cable.

So back to Advance I went, and when I arrived they said the battery took the charge and was putting out its full rated capacity. Then they checked the starter and it did absolutely nothing. Unfortunately they didn't have any in stock, so I had to head to another store a few miles away to get one. They had a remanufactured unit with a lifetime warranty for half the cost of a new one, so I gambled and bought it. I figure if I can have it removed in 10 minutes, a warranty replacement wouldn't be the end of the world.

So I went back to the Bronco with a charged battery and new starter thinking I'd have the truck running in under an hour. The starter installation went as smoothly as the removal, and after connecting the new battery, I was stoked to hear the engine fire up. Except - nothing. Hardly even a click from the solenoid. At this point I was getting frustrated, but in my mind, the issue had to be related to wiring at this point. So I went back to Advance for a third time to buy a new battery ground cable and alternator cable. Then I went back to the truck and tried those, one at a time, to see if it made a difference. Still absolutely nothing. At this point I was ready to throw in the towel, but I decided to pull the battery from my daily driver truck and try it in the Bronco. Bizarrely, the Bronco started on the first try with the other battery. Then I thought maybe it was just a fluke so I put the original battery back in the Bronco and tried again. Nothing.

So at this point, despite not understanding why, I believed the problem to be the battery. I took it to Advance and asked them to test it again. Once again, they said there was nothing wrong with it. Then I explained my situation. The young guy helping me was willing to replace the battery under warranty (it was just under a year old), but he couldn't figure out how to look it up by my phone number since I didn't originally purchase it at that store. He suggested I take it to the store where I bought it. So I did that, except the guy working the counter there basically said, "Sorry, can't help you" since the battery tested fine. In desperation, I took it to my local store where I make most of my purchases, and thankfully the guy there had pity on me and replaced it for free under warranty. This morning, I installed the replacement battery in the Bronco, and it started up on the very first try. Go figure.

So, tell me - how in the world can a battery test perfectly fine, but fail to even pretend to crank the starter? What would cause that?