My parents took him on at age 12, he had learning disabilities, potential FAS, but overall came from a loving home that was simply overburdened by too many kids (6) on too little salary (hospital aide). He appealed to my parents much the same way, ultimately pleading in a letter to be adopted.

My adopted brother acted out sometimes but overall was a good kid, I always called him the mayor when we would go around town because he knew everybody we saw. At some point when he was 17 or so he said he wanted to go back to his family, especially as his parents came in and out of his life as addicts tend to do. It was really frustrating, almost like a split personality. He would even change preference for his name depending on what family he identified with the most at the time. Around age 20 he stole a pistol from my stepfather because he wanted to kill himself. I had a good friend that he knows and trusts who is a local cop have a "no fault" talk to him about how serious a crime that is, and he can be charged with felony murder if it's found that the pistol he stole fell into the wrong hands. He told my friend that he freaked out and pawned it once he realized he couldn't kill himself, which we were able to confirm.

My parents allowed that kind of family "swinging" to happen for about 5 years until my brother ultimately realized, on his own, that his parents, well, sucked. All the while he was improving himself and he went from not knowing his multiplication table as a freshman to graduating high school and giving a *10 minute* speech before the valedictorian about his journey. Now he's more educated than I am as he just completed a master's degree, got married last year, and is expecting a new baby boy around January.

So that's not to say that your situation will turn out like that. But I think it's impossible to underestimate the effect of a steady message from you. You are working against potentially 12 years of constant harm and anguish. I think you ultimately know whether or not you can do it.
[Post edited by typed by ben at 07/30/2020 08:32AM]